The journey: Part 1

I've been meaning to do this for a while. Over the last few years I have read several accounts of different women's "birth stories", basically it's a chance for them to write out every last detail of the day their child was born so they don't forget. I obviously don't have a "birth story" but I do have an adoption journey. And it's something I want to remember so I can tell it to Little M a million times over, just so he can know how special he is to my heart. Of course the version here will have to be adjusted for a little one, and edited for content. ;)

The Journey to Little M

Our journey to have a family started soon after we got married. After a several months with no success, I sought out medical help. I had to start that process on my own since Mr. Temmie despises all doctors (ironic, I know!). So I got the ball rolling to start infertility testing. When it came time to test Mr. Temmie, it was a war. But eventually I prevailed and then we had some answers....we were both the issue. We tried some procedures and meds to help, but everything was so expensive and we just couldn't afford to spend money on a chance. We looked into adoption but the cost to use an agency is staggering. I tried like crazy to raise money, even my sisters tried to help. But it was a mountain we just weren't going to conquer.

I never wanted to give up my dream of having a baby, but the obstacles were too much and I was defeated. I resorted to begging God every month that we get a surprise pregnancy. Yea. That didn't work. I started to get depressed. Mr. Temmie always said he was fine with or without kids so he didn't understand when I told him there was a giant hole in my heart. I eventually decided to focus on something else and turned all my attention to enrolling in school to finally finish my degree.

Then the phone rang. It was May 19, 2010 at about 5:00 p.m. Mr. Temmie and I were in the car with my sister Patti and her daughter Ellie. We were going to dinner and then to our niece Maddie's dance concert. Mr. Temmie's phone rang. It was his mom. She told him that his cousin's daughter had a baby and she didn't want it. She then asked if we would want to adopt her. Mr. Temmie said yes and hung up the phone. I asked him what his mom wanted and this is how our conversation went:

Him: "Birth mom had a baby this morning and she doesn't want it. Mom wants to know if we want to adopt her." (yes I keep saying "her" at first we were told Little M was a girl)
Me: "That's not funny."
Him: "I'm not joking."
Me: "That's not funny, don't f*ck with me!!!!."
Him: "I'm not f*cking with you! I'm serious!"

At that point I turned around and swore Patti to secrecy! And then I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was bursting with excitement, questions, anxiety....and I had to keep it all hidden once we got to the dance concert. I didn't know enough to share with anyone else. I didn't want to tell them and then have it not be true and have to un-tell them. Fortunately there were so many people that we couldn't sit with the rest of my family. I was able to talk to Patti about all the thoughts racing through my head. And then I got a text. It was from Mr. Temmie (his mom called again so he was out in the hall). It was a picture of our baby. I immediately started bawling. Here was this tiny little baby with tubes and wires coming out of every arm and leg. It was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. At that moment the giant hole in my heart suddenly felt full.




After the show we were talking to family and a friend of my brother's started asking very personal questions. She kept asking why I didn't have kids and if I couldn't and then telling me I should "just adopt" like it was the easiest thing to do. Any other day and I would have let my red-headed temper loose on this woman. But this night couldn't be ruined. There was a baby born and I had been asked to be the mommy. I managed to some how change the subject and then leave.

Over the next few days there was a lot of questions to be answered. And there was some uncertainty of this really happening. They had to figure out who the birth father was, if possible. We had to figure out how to pay for an adoption. We had to figure out how much that would even cost and how to do it since we're in two different states. Basically I spent the next day on the phone with 3 different lawyers collecting as much info as I could. It was this day I would learn that the baby was in fact a BOY and that he was very premature and sick. I started praying. Hard.

About two weeks later, we had been expecting a call from the hospital social worker to give us an update and some more info. The call never came. Finally that evening, Mr. Temmie's cousin (birth grandma) called. She said the baby had an infection but was getting better and they had some stuff to deal with with the state Child Protective Services. Turns out the little guy had been exposed to drugs in utero so CPS had to be involved. I was drained. I just wanted to know yes or no, was he going to be my son. Was he the baby I had begged God to send me. At this point Patti was the only one who knew and I needed more support. I broke down and told my sister Liz. She had a million questions as soon as I told her. And I couldn't answer any of them. But at least I had someone else to lean on if I needed her. And for the record, keeping that secret for two weeks was BRUTAL!!!!!

Then rest of May was a blur. We got very little updates and no one would tell us anything. There was some issue going on with the father, but we didn't know what. All we knew was we would be visiting California in a few weeks for a graduation and hopefully we would get some more answers then. Our trip couldn't come fast enough.