National Prematurity Awareness day

I know I've been a little absent, and I'll catch up on things in a bit, and there's a lot to catch up. But I wanted to bring awareness to today.

Little M is a former 25-28 week preemie. This isn't breaking news to most of my readers. His birth mom claims she didn't know she was pregnant and went to the emergency room with stomach pain (contractions!). The hospital was able to stall Little M's birth for 3 days. When they could stall no more, Little M was born weighing in at 1 pound 12 ounces and 12 inches long. He would have an epic battle ahead of him. A battle he not only fought but won.

From the moment he was born, he faced challenges no person should ever have to face. And with sheer determination (and a whole lot of long distance love and encouragement!) he beat those challenges. He has been poked, prodded, man-handled, and examined more than he or I care to remember. His tiny little veins are shot making blood draws for his continuing conditions a nightmare. He has seen dozens of specialists from eye docs to neurologists, occupational therapists to allergists.

But through it all he has a smile. A smile that will light up a room and melt the heart of everyone in it. His determination and strong will propel him forward. He's not going to slow down just because everyone thinks he should.

Today, November 17th, is National Prematurity Awareness Day. Every year, half a million babies in the United States are born too soon, too small and very sick - that's 1 in every 8 babies. Since 1981, the rate of premature birth has risen 36%, and in half the cases it is not understood what went wrong. The March of Dimes is leading the fight for answers, and ultimately, prevention. Please visit the March of Dimes' Prematurity Campaign to see how you can help. We fight, so babies don't have to.

Little M the day he was born: 5/19/10

Little M as of 11/16/11 (3 days shy of 18 months!): 17 lbs 6 ozs. 27 in. :)

Support

Today is the annual Muscular Dystrophy Association Telethon. There's apparently some controversy over the fact that Jerry Lewis isn't hosting. As the parent of a child with this disease, I have too many other things to worry about than the host of a telethon. For instance, how is this disease going to affect his life?

If you are able, please donate to this worthy cause. Little M thanks you.

Just right.

I had to work late tonight. I was not thrilled about it, but sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

As I was pulling onto my street on the way home, I got really excited about seeing my boys. I couldn't help but smile. I could just imagine the huge smile that would creep across Little M's face as soon as he saw me. And of course I'm always happy to see Mr. Temmie at the end of the day. Well, almost always. ;)

But when I walked in I found that Mr. Temmie a.k.a. Super Papa had already put Little M to bed for the night. I quietly peeked in on him and gave him a kiss. Guess I'll have to save my other snuggles for 3:00 a.m. when he wakes up. :)

It's always nice to go to sleep knowing that at this moment, everything in the Temmie house is just as it should be.


**I'll do a detailed catch up post soon. We've had 'lots of adventures lately!

Two

Two little chompers! Ah Ah Ah!

That's right. Little M's second tooth finally broke through. He now has the two bottom front teeth. And they are sharp! So keep your fingers clear when he goes on a rampage! ;)

In other news we spent 3 days admitted to the children's hospital (again!) for Rhino virus. But isn't Rhino virus the common head cold, you ask? Why yes! Yes it is! We spent 3 days and 3 night at Club "Med" (ha get it!) for a lousy head cold! And the only reason we were stuck is because Little M is such a fan of oxygen that he wouldn't keep is saturation levels high enough. Thankfully the docs decided we could go home with portable oxygen...again. I don't think it's a good sign when the Home health delivery guy remembers you. Just sayin. So for now, Little M isn't wireless. He has an oxygen cord and periodically throughout the day he had a cord for the pulse/ox machine to check his saturation levels. Last night he was in the low 90's while awake. I decided that was good enough to go wireless for his bath. He really seemed to enjoy that. But when we tested while he slept...not-so-good. He dropped to 80. So the O2 had to go back on. But I did turn it down to 1/8 Liter instead of 1/4 and he hung out in the low 90's some more. So maybe we can slowly ween him off again.

And it seems we've had an abundance of doctor appointments lately. We also had Little M's Neo Natal Follow Up clinic appointment this week. According to them he is 10 months adjusted and right on track. He's actually a little ahead and somewhere between 10-12 months. We got to play musical specialists at our appointment. We saw a pediatrician, the ophthalmologist, a nutritionist, a psychologist, an audiologist and had a weight/height check. Here's the stats:

Height: 26 inches

Weight: 15 lbs. 6 oz.

Pediatrician: lungs are clearing out from the cold, all neurological functions are on track, continue what we're doing.

Ophtho: no drops this time!!! Eyes look good, see ya in 6 months.

Nutrition: Consistent weight gain. Not on the chart, but making his own curve, so good enough. Keep trying new foods, flavors and textures. Officially ran out of Pre.gestimil on 7/12/11. Switched to Pro.sobee formula 24K.

Psych: This guy took FOREVER to call us back. It was the first time we saw him so he decided to ACTUALLY read M's whole chart/history. He made some very common assumptions about what he was going to see and when we came in with and oxygen tank he figured he was right. Then he actually sat down and watched M play with the toys and he was floored. He asked me to verify the history because he thought he had the wrong kid. He was astonished with M's development and pleased to see he is right on track. Then I told him about the MD and his jaw hit the floor. It always surprises me when someone in the medical field doesn't know what Duchenne is and how it will affect us. :/

Hearing test: FAIL! Well only half way. M's right ear is good. The left has fluid. Most likely from the cold and it should clear up. We are to keep an eye on things with Dr. J. and follow up in a month. Unless of course an ear infection shows up sooner.

So overall good, but makes for one loooooooooog morning. The whole appointment lasted almost 5 hours. M was so exhausted at the end and frankly so was I! I'm so glad we only have these visits every 9 months or so.

Oh and Little M has learned one more new trick...clapping. Every time he had to have his vitals checked while we were in the hospital I would clap and say "yea" when they were done. Well vital checks every 4 hours and lung checks every 2 hours over the course of 3 days and nights....he can now clap. It's so stinkin' cute and he smiles so proud when he does it. :)

Blindsided

I didn't see it coming. I was sure it would never happen to us. Everything was perfect the way it was. And then overnight it all changed.

My baby isn't a baby anymore. He's a big boy.

Little M has decided it's high time he catches up and there is no stopping him. He's working so hard on crawling and standing. He always wants to be on the move! Of course with this new found desire for freedom comes agonizing frustration. He can't quite move on his own and he can't tell us what he wants either. Cue the tantrums! Where do kids learn to arch their backs and scream?! I certainly didn't teach him that and I'm pretty sure Mr. Temmie didn't either. Must have been one of his cousins. ;) Hopefully he will figure out this crawling thing soon so he can go, go, GO! (and yes I already regret saying that!)


Little M has also decided solid food is delicious and no longer gags or pukes when he eats anything other than purees. In fact he had scrambled eggs for breakfast today and loved them! I'm excited to start trying more new foods and seeing just how messy he can get while he eats. I'm also excited about less formula. We were so blessed by the CA NICU and have only had to buy 6 cans of formula in 8 1/2 months. But our stash is running low. Currently M is eating a brand of formula that can cost upwards of $50 a can. We go through 2 cans a week. Fortunately, we got the all clear from Dr. J to switch to a less expensive soy formula and we are encouraging more solid meals and less meals from a bottle. Dr. J is also giving us some "samples" of the new soy stuff and hooked us up with about a month's supply. I'm hopeful that by the time M reaches 1 year adjusted we will have packed on enough weight for him to actually be ON the curve and work our way away from formula. In the mean time, stay tuned for adorable pics of mashed avocado on little man's squishy face!

There's one other thing that solidifies the fact the Little M is growing up. He needs a haircut. I don't want to do it because I'm afraid he'll look too grown up. But his hair is a shaggy mess! The poor kid looks like he has bed head all day even when I do comb his hair. I think Mr. Temmie and I are going to take him this weekend. Sniff!

Who said it was o.k. for him to grow up?!?!

P.s. father's day pics coming soon!

More firsts

Little M had a few "firsts" happen the last few days. On Saturday (6/4) I decided it was time for him to sleep in his own room. Until then he had been sleeping in his pack n play in my room and I would wake every time he moved or made a sound. I'm tired! So it's time. He went to sleep around 9:30, slept until Midnight in his crib, had a quick bottle and then went back to sleep until 4:00ish. Another quick bottle and he was out again until 8:00. It was nice! I actually felt rested and didn't feel like I needed a nap on Sunday afternoon! (although I did take a cat nap anyway when M napped, I was just so relaxed I fell asleep for 20 minutes!)

Sunday night didn't go as well. Little M was restless and I had a migraine. I think it was the heat. We went from 65-70 degrees to 85 on Sunday. It was hot. And the swamp cooler isn't up and running yet. Mr. Temmie was so hot he opted to sleep on the couch that night. That would turn out to be a foolish choice since our bedroom ceiling fan worked well and that ended up being the coolest room that night. At some point I ended up bringing M into our room and since Mr. Temmie was on the couch, Little M got his spot in bed. It was then I was finally able to get some rest and take the edge off the migraine.

Last night things had cooled off a little. I put Little M to bed and that was that. He woke twice crying, found his paci on his own and put himself back to sleep before I even got up. I'm calling it sleeping through the night. Now we just need to see if he'll keep doing it!

Another first for Little M...he's dancing. Mr. Temmie and I were watching t.v. last night while M was in his exersaucer. I guess M liked the beat to some music on the show because he started shakin' his booty. Once the beat stopped so did he. Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, we re-wound the show (hooray for DVR's!) and let him hear the beat again. Sure enough his tookas stated shakin'. And because we are goofy first time parents we continued to re-wind and watch Little M shake his groove thang for about 5 minutes. Then we decided to see what other music he was feeling. Pretty much anything except county got him dancing (that's my boy!). And seeing mommy and daddy smile and laugh while he danced made it that much more fun for him. So I guess Gloria Estefan was right...eventually, the rhythm is gonna get ya! ;)

Friday Fun

What have you done?

Everything I have done is bolded.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo- no one wants to hear that!
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art form from scratch
15. Adopted a child- :)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an over night train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Participated in a 5K
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise- does a booze cruise count?
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung Karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance- with Little M :(
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in movie
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Time Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year's Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved some one's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous-ish
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake- I should have done this but I haven't :(
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

What have you done? :)

Pin cushion

That's what Little M is. Basically from the moment he was born he has been poked, prodded and used as a pin cushion. I can't count how many times I have had to hold him down for blood draws or how many times the phlebotomist wasn't able to get a stick and the IV team had to be called in. I can tell you we are now on a first name basis with a few of those IV therapists. And that can't be a good sign!

Today Little M was the ultimate pin cushion. He had to have allergy testing done. When M was in the NICU he had a hard time digesting formula with cow's milk protein in it. It was eventually determined that M is allergic to milk, but there's a chance he could grow out of that.

The allergist was a very nice man and even let Little M play with his stethoscope during the initial exam. Then he decided to test for the 5 major food allergies in kids: eggs, milk, soy, wheat, and peanuts.

The nurse came in and pretty much drew all over Little M's back. There was a plus sign and and minus sign and the numbers 1-5. By the plus sign she poked him with a histamine. That's so she would get a positive reaction to see what he would do. The minus sign got a control stick to see how he wouldn't react. Then 1-5 got poked with eggs, milk, soy, wheat and peanuts. In that order. Little M didn't cry once. He barely even flinched! He's such a strong little stud! Then we waited for 15 minutes. After about 5 minutes the histamine spot had a large welt and was red all around, the control spot was slightly red but only where the needle had stuck him. And 1-5 looked like the control. I was pleased with what I was seeing!

Finally our 15 minutes were up. Spots 1 and 3-5 were completely clear. The histamine had a red circle slightly bigger than a quarter and spot 2 had a red spot about the size of a dime. Determination: he's allergic to diary. :( BUT. He'll grow out of it. And in the mean time he's NOT allergic to soy, which is a good thing. So now the results will got to Dr. J. and she'll consult with a dietitian. After that she'll call us and let us know what to do about getting off the $50 per can formula and onto something that will be a little easier on Mr. Temmie's and my wallet.

All I can say at this point is God bless the NP in the NICU and her formula rep contact! They hooked us up BIG TIME in the formula department and to date we have only had to buy 6 cans of formula. =D

One year well baby stats

Little M had his one year well baby check up today. He was a little crabby during the appointment, but he still made sure to turn on the charm and smile at ALL the nurses and techs. They have all been following our little guy since we brought him home. They can't believe how big he's getting. Neither can I!

Little M weighs 14 pounds 5 ounces. He's 25 inches long. And his head circumference is 17 inches. When the tech entered in all the numbers she said, "Well he's zero percentile across the board. But his head is ALMOST on the growth chart!" Of course Dr. J isn't worried about percentiles right now because even though he's not on the chart he's still following his own curve.

Dr. J and I discussed Little M's progress. He's babbling a lot these days. Dada seems to be the word of choice. Every time he starts to babble Mr. Temmie and I just answer back like we're having a conversation with him. Little M thinks it's funny. He's also sitting unassisted for about 20 minutes at a time. He's also started catching himself when he starts to fall over. He likes to sit in his new exer-saucer and look around. he can barely reach the foot pad and it's set to the highest level. But he'll get there and when he does it will help build his little leg muscles. We're still working on rolling back to belly. He can do, he just doesn't like to. Little stinker! But he is rolling to his side more especially during diaper changes. So I think we're close on that one. We've also started working on standing more. The other day Little M had hold of the coffee table and Mr. Temmie let go. He stood for about 10 seconds before he let go. See what I mean about getting big?!?!

Dr. J also wanted to know how Little M's eating was going. She would really like to pack some l-b's on him but we have to see if he's still allergic to cow's milk protein. So that earned M a visit with an allergist next week. He'll also be getting his one year shots that day. Not fun. In the mean time, we're just going to keep feeding like usual. I may try to sneak in an extra puree everyday and I think we've reached the point where M will drink 6 oz of formula at a time. I'm also hoping this will help him sleep through the night. We had a good week were he was only up once for a binky and then it all went to he!!. And now that he and I are sharing a cold, all bets are off. I'm hoping to get some solid sleep someday!

So that's that. Just about time for him to get a paper route don't ya think? ;)

Oh and just as a side note- 10 years ago today I went on a blind date. Turns out I would fall in love, marry the guy and eventually adopt the most wonderful baby boy. Life is sweet!

First birthday party recap

You only turn 1 once, so Mr. Temmie and I made it count. We realize it was all for us. Little M will only remember the party by looking at pictures and hearing our stories about the day. But Mr. Temmie and I will never forget the best birthday party we've ever been to!




A little side note here: this was a TON of work!!!! There is no way I could have pulled this off alone. Mr. Temmie and I totally worked as a team and thank goodness Mr. Temmie's mom was visiting from California. She entertained Little M while we set up decorations, made food and got everything ready for the party. We couldn't have done it without her help!




For the party we decided to have a BBQ. My sister has a bounce house that she let us use to entertain the kids. And Mother Nature was kind enough to clear out the rain long enough for the yard to dry up a little and the sun to shine for the whole party. (It literally rained the whole week before and 3 days after the party. But party day was sunny and 70!) Pretty much we all enjoyed some good food and Little M was passed around like a hot potato. He handled it like a champ and even took a decent nap in the middle of the party. After he woke up it was time for presents, cake and a pinata. Or "pieyata" as one of his cousins called it. :)




Little M was very excited about all his new toys and Mr. Temmie and I are so greatful for our wonderful family and friends.




And now the part you wanted...PICTURES! :)

One year old

Dear Little M,

I can't believe you are one year old. It doesn't seem like that much time has passed since your daddy and I got the phone call telling us you were born. I still remember that day as clear as ever and I always will. It was the best day ever!

In the last 52 weeks you have fought and won more battles than most people will face in a lifetime. You beat every odd and came out with a bigger and brighter smile. I watch you in amazement every day. I love to hear you giggle and this new talking thing you have going? Makes me melt. Your tiny little voice is music to my ears!

Everything you do is cute or sweet. I want to tell everyone I know about every tiny thing you do. I know it's annoying. I used to hate listening to people go on about their kids. But I get it now. Every thing about you is precious to me.

I know we are going to have many more battles to come. But we'll get through it and we'll be stronger for it.

I love you to the moon and back! Happy birthday sweet baby boy!

Chompers

Little M has been really droolie for a while now. And EVERYTHING goes into his mouth. I, like all new moms, assumed he was teething. I just didn't realize it would take so long for the teeth to actually break through the gums! I was sure his first tooth would be in by the time we finalized his adoption. Well I was only off by 3 months!

Last night Little M was sitting on my lap. We had just finished his bath and I was trying to get him to go to sleep, but he was more interested in visiting with Grandma. He was also more interested in chewing on my fingers. And that's when I felt something sharp on his bottom gum. I tried and tried to see what I was feeling, but it's more fun to stick your tongue out than let mommy see your sparkly new tooth.

So mark it down, 5/17/11, exactly 2 days before his first birthday, Little M got his first tooth.

*And I'm going to try really hard to get a picture of it! :)

Mother's Day

I celebrated my first Mother's Day. It was quite the contrast to last year that's for sure! Last year I was so thankful for the margarita maker to help dull the ache I had. This year I was so thankful for the margarita maker because really, who doesn't enjoy a margarita every now and again!

The actual day was quite busy. Mr. Temmie and I were asked to serve coffee and donuts after all the Masses that day. I'll go into that more later. Anyway since we had to be at church so early we had to hurry a little faster than I would have liked. But it was Mother's day. And I am a mommy. So the day couldn't have gone wrong for me. :)

So while I rushed to get ready, Little M slept in. Turd! He never sleeps in! And as we were heading for the door, Mr. Temmie walked out of our room with a still half asleep Little M, complete with head bobbing, holding flowers and a card. I WISH I'd had a camera. It was too precious! They wished me a happy Mother's day, I gave them kisses and we were out the door! Inside my card was a gift card for a massage. Oh I can't wait to cash that in! It will be heavenly! :)

So donuts...for my 2 readers that may be unfamiliar here's how it works. Various groups and organizations volunteer to serve coffee, juice and donuts after all the Sunday Masses. Parishioners gather after Mass, chip in a buck or fifty cents and then visit with friends and have a cup of coffee and a donut. Our parish provides the coffee and donuts and then the organization gets to keep whatever monies are donated. I was fully prepared to keep our "cause" on the down low. But our priest had other ideas. He made a small announcement at the end of Mass telling people that "donuts" was to help a family who just adopted a baby and had a lot of medical bills. I think every parishioner stopped by. I have never slung so much coffee in my life! And in the end we got to meet some new friends with a precious little guy they just adopted and we were amazed and humbled by the generosity of our parish family. We spent 6 hours at church that day. And we couldn't have done it without help from Liz, Kate, Daniel, Patti, and Keegan.

I was so tired when we left church, but I still had to make a potato salad for dinner that night. And we were STARVING! I was really hoping to get a little nap in but that just didn't happen. After a quick lunch and whipping up a tater salad it was off to my mom's for dinner with all my siblings. We all chipped in and got her a laptop. As my pops likes to say, we're going to drag her, kicking and screaming, into the age of technology. Really though she loved it and is very excited to learn how to use it. That is if we can keep everyone else off of it!

In the end, Mother's day was just like any other Sunday with a little extra spoiling. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Although I think next year I'll make that nap a bit higher on the priority list!

Adapting

So one of two things happened last night. Either I finally got a decent amount of sleep OR my body has finally adapted to functioning on less than 5 hours of consecutive sleep.

I've had quite the kick in my step today! I didn't fall asleep during the ride to work today (don't worry, I wasn't driving!). I was quite peppy and even made Mr. Temmie laugh a few times!

OR this could be the universe preparing me for the day. Once I walked through the front doors of my office building it's been non-stop. Phone calls and emails and vendors, OH MY! I was surprised I even had 15 miuntes to heat my lunch and eat.

I guess the real test is to see if I can get past the giant wall of drowsiness that is rapidly approaching. You know the one that nut company advertises about. Where if you don't eat their almonds at 3:00 p.m. the girls from the Addicted to Love video will show up and give you a makeover. Yea. I can see that wall and it's getting bigger by the second. Good thing my work day is over in 3 hours.

And hey! If this flow of people doesn't slow down the time will fly!

Vacation to Oregon

Why on EARTH would anyone want to visit the Pacific Northwest in the Spring?!?!?! To see Miss Miss of course! Who cares that it rained every day we were there!


We just got back from a long weekend visiting Cousin Miss Miss, Aunt Meg and Uncle Joe. We had a great time and Little M did AWESOME on his first (and second!) airplane ride. The only crummy part was our trip just wasn't long enough!

11 months

I have an eleven month old baby. How in the world did that happen?? This time last year I was coming to grips with having a child free life. I was focused on finishing my Bachelor's degree and moving forward with my teaching career. I had just started blogging (Happy blog-o-versary to me!!) and was feeling all sorts of crafty. I was almost content with my life. Almost. Who would have thought a month later my whole world would be flipped up side down.

Today, I can function on as little as 2 hours of sleep. If I get as much as 5 hours of sleep in a row I feel like I could run a marathon! I constantly worry about Little M's growth, development and future. I melt when he smiles and giggles. Seeing Mr. Temmie play and interact with Little M makes me weak -in -the -knees happy. I am content with my life.

First official family photos

I entered Little M into a photo contest. He ran away with the prize. He got 125 votes. Of those 125 people, I know 30. That means 95 total stangers think my baby is the cutest ever... and I happen to agree with them! ;) The prize for this little contest was a free session and CD with all our photos. So we decided it was time for the Temmie family to get some professional pictures done. And in typical "me" fashion, I love the way my boys look and can't stand the pix with me in them. Oh well! Here are a few from our session.

Happiness is...

I "borrowed" this idea from here Happiness is... ...Smiles so big that you ultimately can't contain the laughter and proceed to let a giggle roll up from your toes. Happiness is... ...hearing the word "mama" for the first time even though you know it's still just babble and he doesn't really know what he said. Happiness is... ...the hope that there still may be "a cure" for his disease available in his lifetime. Happiness is... ...quiet, stolen moments in the middle of the night when only he and I are awake. Moments that contain a tiny hand reaching for my face and a contented sigh as he drifts off back to sleep. Happiness is... ...feeling the joy of his successes. Watching him reach milestones, cheering for his victory and seeing the look of accomplishment on his face. Happiness is... ...being a big boy and getting sit in the high chair, shopping cart or stroller and look around. Happiness is... ... flipper slippers. Happiness is... ...gently waking him up to leave for work and the babysitter's and upon hearing your voice, there is a sweet sleepy smile behind the paci... and he hasn't opened his eyes yet.

head colds, time change, READY FOR SPRING!

In what seems to be the new normal at the Temmie household, we're all sick. Last week was a stomach bug, this week it's a head cold. Little M has been SUPER cranky and not sleeping well. I would give anything to only get up once or twice a night with him again. This every hour or so is for the birds! And when you combine no sleep with a cold of my own AND whiplash, it makes for one grouchy mama!!! Here's hoping we all get through it soon!

• I must say though the fact that it's lighter, later helps. I LURVE daylight savings time. I can't wait for the temps to warm up a bit so Mr. Temmie and I can sit on the front porch oasis we created with Little M. I also am really itching to go for walks in the evening. My mom and sisters bought us the car seat/stroller combo as a shower gift and I'm ready to add some miles to that stroller's tires! Of course I say all this and I woke up to snow this morning. It's March 22 for crying out loud! Time to turn up the heat a little and go barefoot! That reminds me...I need to get a pedicure. =)

• I entered Little M in a photo contest with a local studio. The winner gets a free session and CD with all the images. Little M took the lead right away. Things did get a little close a few hours before voting ended. But in the end, Little M ran away with the contest. We go on April 6th to get our new family photos. There was one comment made about the whole contest just being a popularity contest. Thing is, out of the 125 votes Little M received, I only know about 30 of them. So in this case it wasn't about who we know, it's about the fact that I have the cutest little baby in the world!

See what I mean?!?

I hate when Reality gets in

Every once in a while the reality of Little M's diagnosis sneaks in and I'm forced to think about the future.

During his early intervention appointment this month the OT said we need to push him on gross motor skills, but not too hard or we'll do more harm than good as far as muscle deterioration goes. So now we have to learn where the line is and be careful not to cross it. Reality check, my baby has a disease.

While attending the home and garden show this past weekend, I looked at a floor plan on a "double wide". O.k. it was a manufactured home not a trailer. And the only reason I went in was because I was hoping to find a comfy seat since my back and neck were killing me. (See "What a day!" post to find out why.) While I was looking around I realized that the floor plan was a really good one...for a wheelchair. Reality check, I have to consider that sort of thing.

I was reading another blog post about a sweet baby girl with Down Syndrome. She had learned to stand on her own and it was a huge milestone for her. Reality check, my baby's milestones are all delayed and I feel like it's my fault even though I know it isn't.

Reality has been sneaking in a lot lately. I'm doing my best to stay strong and focus on the positive stuff. But I'm mad. It's not fair to Little M and I feel like throwing a fit for him because he hasn't learned how to do it himself.

What a day!

Today was supposed to be a regular old boring Thursday. That changed when my sitter (my sister-in-law) called at O;Dark Thirty to tell me her son (my nephew) had been throwing up all night and she didn't want Little M to get it. I'm thankful for that, but I didn't have a backup plan! So I did what any mom would do...I went back to sleep until it was only slightly offensive to call for help. =)

I secured a plan B for child care and then got ready for work. I may or may not have also taken a few extra minutes to snuggle and play with Little M before I got in the shower. =D I dropped Little M off with my Aunt and then had to stop at my sister-in-laws place to pick up some papers. This is where the day really takes a dump. As I left sis-in-law's I was stopped at the traffic light no less than 3 blocks away, minding my own buisness. Then I heard a LOUD bang and my car lurched forward. At first I didn't know what happened. Then I realized I'd been hit. Hard.

It took me a minute, but I turned on my hazards and got out of the car. At first I couldn't see anything wrong on my car. The kid who hit me got out and said he was really sorry. Yea, me too! >=/ I told him to pull into the parking lot across the street so we would be out of the way. He followed me and we got out of our vehicles again. I asked if he had any damage and he said no. I said I didn't think my damage was significant, but we should get a police report anyway. Then I reached into my car for my phone and he took off. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! My first thought was where the hell does he think he's going? Then I realized he was leaving and I got his plate number. I repeated it over and over out loud until I could find a pen to write it down. Then I called 911 and reported the accident. At that point I could feel the tension in my neck and back. The dispatcher asked if I needed an ambulance but I said no. At some point I lost my shit and started crying. Once they told me the police were on the way I texted my boss and let her know I'd be late. I also called Mr. Temmie and probably scared the crap out of him.

Once the police showed it was all of 5 minutes to give a statement and the plate number and get a case number. By now I was so stiff and sore I could hardly move. Officer Less-than-friendly offered to call an ambulance. Really, it's not life threatening. I just needed some i.buprofen and a stiff drink!

I finally got to work 2 hours later than I planned and spent the rest of the day getting stiffer and more sore with every minute. I'm sure I need to go to a doctor and they'll tell me I have whiplash and to ice/heat and rest.

But the best part of the whole craptastic day..... Little M was NOT in the car when I got hit. Thank everything Holy for that one!!!!

9 month well baby

I can't believe I have a 9 month old! This is going too fast, someone make it slow down!!!

We had our 9 month well baby visit today. Fortunately that one doesn't come with any shots! As of today, Little M is 12 lbs. 1 oz. and 24 inches long. He's still not quite on the growth charts, but he's following the curve so there's no need to worry. Dr. J was very pleased with his growth and development. She told us we were doing a great job with our little man and to keep it up.

We did have an area on the back of Little M's head that our OT was concerned about. We weren't too stressed since Little M had an MRI in December as part of the DMD work-up, and it came back all clear. Dr. J took one quick look and told us it's Plagiocephaly. Basically he has a flat spot. We can work with a plastic surgeon and get him fitted for a helmet, but now that he's sitting up more there's a chance it will even out on its own. Dr. J said it's really just a cosmetic thing and it's up to us what we decide to do. Mr. Temmie and I will discuss it more, but for now, we think it's small enough not to worry about.

Other than that we got a clean bill of health. :) Up next is to keep working with early intervention to get Little M caught up developmentally. He still needs practice rolling over and sitting up. Although he did sit up, unassisted, for about 20 seconds the other day. We can also work on introducing foods with cow's milk in them like yogurt. We have to determine if Little M still has a cow's milk protein allergy or if he out grew it. Keep your fingers crossed that he outgrew it!

Forever a Family

This is going to be epic in size....I don't want to forget a single moment!


To quote a wise sea sponge (Sponge Bob): It's the Best Day Ever!!!!!!!

There are two days in my life that can claim that title: 8/17/02 and 2/17/11...the day I got married and the day I officially became a mommy. :D


The day started out like any other day off. Little M woke at 7:00ish and I handed him to his daddy. They went to the couch to have a bottle and watch the morning news while I tried to catch up on some sleep. I got up about 8:30 and the hustle and bustle started.

Aunt M took Miss Miss and ran a quick errand while I cooked some bacon for breakfast. Mr. Temmie and I started to get ready and Little M went down for a nap. Aunt M and Miss came back and we ate breakfast. Then Mr. Temmie ran to get his suit from the cleaners while I finished getting ready and got Little M in his suit. It was busy, busy, busy all morning. Trying to get 5 people dressed up for court and out the door on time is no easy feat, but we did it and we all looked great. Especially Little M and Miss Miss. :)

We left the house at 12:35 and made a quick stop for copies that I forgot to make the night before. Then we hit the freeway and headed for the court house. At this point I didn't know if it was nerves, a heavy breakfast or just car sickness, but my stomach was in knots. I was sure I was going to puke. But I held it together. We got to the courthouse at 1:00 and found parking with no trouble. Well almost no trouble. Turns out there is a Sheriff's deputy working the parking booth at the court house. Upon arrival he had to look in our car (checking for bombs I guess, the only bombs we had were in the form of dirty diapers!). He asked if the babes were buckled appropriately and we told him of course. Then he asked why "mom" wasn't buckled. We're pretty sure he was referring to Aunt M in the back seat, but I wasn't buckled either. Aunt M told him it was because she forgot, what with getting the babies secured. She also told him she was over 18. He told her it didn't matter, that he could write her a ticket that moment if he wanted to. But he didn't. And with that we were rolling up our windows and heading into the parking garage. It was then that everyone in the vehicle agreed, the deputy reminded us of Gomer Pyles.

Once we were parked, it was a circus getting all the diaper bags and babies out of the car. And since Miss had fallen asleep we needed a stroller too. So it took some time to get loaded up to head into the court house, but we did it. We were slightly confused as to which floor we needed from the parking elevator. Fortunately there was a court house employee on board with us. He let us know that "P1" was the level with the holding cells and we didn't want to go there. Plus, he told us, they didn't have a sense of humor on the floor. So we chose level 1 and arrived in the entry to the court house. Next up, getting through security with 3 adults, 2 babies, a stroller, a car seat and a million bags.

The bags made it through with no hassle. So did Aunt M, Miss and the stroller, Little M and the car seat and Mr. Temmie. I set off the alarm. I thought it was the silver bracelet I forgot I was wearing. Nope. Still set off the machine and earned a date with the wand. Apparently my bra straps did not agree well with the metal detector. Or as my pops said, "The chain mail set it off huh?" Love ya papa! =)

It was during all the security hub-bub that I was approached by a man in a suit. He asked if we were the Temmie family. I said, "Is it that obvious?" He told me the baby gave it away. He was our fill-in attorney since the guy we hired was made partner and was busy with higher profile cases now. I liked this new guy better anyway so it worked out well. He walked to the court room with us and explained how things were going to work. He told us Mr. Temmie and I would be sworn in and have to answer some questions. He also said they were easy answers and it wasn't anything we needed to study for so not to worry. We also reviewed the documents we would sign in front of the judge and the judge would sign as well. At this point our family support started to arrive.

We hung out in the hall for a few minutes waiting for stragglers to arrive. Then it was time to enter the court room. Mr. Temmie, Little M and I took our seats at the front table while our family filled the seats behind us. And we waited. And waited. And waited. At one point, the court clerk came in and asked who in the room was NOT there for the adoption. Three little hands in the back row went up. They were there for the next case. And then we waited some more. At one point, the attorney leaned over to let me know this was pretty typical and that the judge is never late, being as we couldn't start without him. :) While we waited some more, I learned that our attorney and his wife had adopted 3 children so he was a pro at this stuff. He also told me that I was allowed to do whatever I needed to care for Little M during the hearing. He said his daughter had screamed through her entire hearing. I think he mentioned that because Little M was starting to get fussy. At that point I leaned my forehead against Little M's and asked him if he was getting sleepy. He held so still and looked at me right in the eyes. I whispered to him that I love him and this was his big day. He smiled and then started to close his eyes. So I cradled him and wrapped his blanket around him and he was out. And just as he dozed off, the bailiff entered and told us all to rise. It was time!!

In came a couple of clerks and the judge. At this point our attorney was letting the judge know why we were there. It was all formality since the judge KNEW why we were there. I was trying so hard to listen to every word so I could lock it in my memory forever. But all I could think was, Little M's head is cradled in my right arm, I'm going to have to raise my right hand when they swear me in. How am I going to do this without waking him?!?!

After a few more formalities, the judge told us he usually holds these hearings in his chambers. But he was told that there were too many people for that. He said he was so thrilled to see such an amazing support for our family and he knew this baby is a loved child. He also said he was impressed with the last line from the home study report. I can't remember EXACTLY how it went (still worried about being sworn in!) but basically the social worker said there wasn't a better home in the world for this baby and that we had bonded so strong nothing could break us apart.

And then is was time. The court clerk said, "Please raise your right hand.". I managed to get a strong hold of Little M's head and support his back with my left hand/arm. I raised my right hand and swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth before God and these witnesses. The attorney then asked Mr. Temmie a series of questions along the lines of "do you understand what you're getting into and you still want to proceed?" He said yes to all his questions and signed the papers. It was then I noticed just how bad his hands were shaking. Mr. Calm, Cool and Collected was a nervous wreck! Next it was my turn to answer. But before I did the judge broke in and said, "Basically, there is no return policy". :) Then the attorney asked if I had heard my husbands answers and was he telling the truth. Yep. (o.k. so I was a little more professional and composed, but still the same answer). He asked if I knew what we were getting into and was I ready. YEP! And then he ambushed me.

Let me just say on a side note..I had already turned on the water works before the hearing started. My dad reminded me that 2/17 was his father's birthday. So an already special day just had another layer added to it. So now as I sat in that court room, answering yes to every question I was asked, the attorney then asked if I wanted to make a statement about how I felt at that moment. At that moment, Temmie = hot, blubbering mess! I lost it. I couldn't even speak. Mr. Temmie started to cry too (although he'll tell you some dust blew into his eyes at that exact moment). I finally pulled it together enough to tell the judge that this tiny, sweet little boy was my world. He was everything we had wanted and we were so thrilled and proud to be his parents. At that point the judge said a few more words about how impressed he was with our support system and asked the grandparents to stand up. He asked them if they had anything to share. My mom said that from the moment they found out about this baby he was part of the family and she was so happy the day had come to make it official. My dad, ever the comedian, started his comment with a joke about "Not being accustomed to public speaking". We all laughed and the judge told him he would cap him at 20 minutes. My dad then went on to talk about what a blessed event this was and what a wonderful future was waiting for us. Mr. Temmie's grandpa was there too. Technically he is Little M's great, great grandpa by blood and great grandpa by adoption. He told the court that he was proud of us and so happy we were becoming a little family.

And with that the judge signed the papers. Done aaaaaaaaaand DONE. IT'S A BOY!! We snapped a few more pictures and then left the court room so an arraignment could take place. Once we were in the hall we passed out blue bubble gum cigars and shared some hugs and a few more tears. Mr. Temmie, Little M, the attorney and I all headed to the clerks office to get copies of the adoption decree and order new birth certificates with our names in the parent fields.

The whole process was about an hour with 50 minutes or so waiting around. But it was absolutely amazing. I've know from day one that this little guy was my child. But after the hearing, sitting in the car (I rode in back on the way home to feed Little M, he was STARVING!), Little M fell asleep holding my hand. He was sound asleep but still had the tightest grip on my hand. And in that moment I finally felt like a mom. No more waiting for someone to come pick him up. No more feeling like the baby sitter. He's my son. I'm his mom. Mr. Temmie is his dad.

We are forever a family.

It's like Christmas all over again!

I'm so stinkin' excited!!! I just want tomorrow to get here and then Thursday!! This week is full of exciting stuff and I just can't wait for it to happen!

First, Aunt Meg is coming to town and she's bringing cousin Miss Miss. YEA for play dates!!!

Then Thursday is Adoption Day!!!! All our family and friends are coming to court with us. It's definitely going down and one of the best days ever. :)

And then on Friday one of Little M's godmothers is getting married. We're so excited for her and her soon to be hubby. I even offered to make a cake. It's not going to be a huge tiered number. Just a simple cake to celebrate. :)

So this Monday needs to hurry up and be done so we can get on with the rest of this awesome week!

Birthday party planning

I'm a planner. It's just the way it is. And I LOOOOOVE to host a good party. So with Little M's first birthday rapidly approaching, I've been busy! I spend all my free time thinking of what I want for his party and how to make what I can for less.



The theme of the party was a no brainer. Mr. Temmie said "Monkeys" and I said "Deal!". I already found the cake pan (Thank you W.ilton!). I designed my own invitations and now just need to print them. We have all the "activities" for the kids covered and the menu is just about set. And then I found this:

It totally doesn't match the theme of the party. But my inner M.artha St.ewart is pitching a 2-year old fit, yelling "You have to make this, you have to! We NEEED it for the party!!!"

The way I see it (translate that to justify it not matching), is this could be a save and re-use decoration for EVERY birthday party. :)

So I'm going to make it. Just as soon as I catch up on my other crafts..... =/

Adoption Day!!!

We have a court date!!!!

I was so stinking excited to get this phone call. It only took a week longer than I thought. I was home alone with Little M when the call came in. As soon as I saw the caller ID I started yelling, "It's the lawyer, it's the lawyer!!!". Little M thought that was funny and started to giggle. I quickly composed myself and answered. The assistant gave me the date and time. I confirmed what I heard her say three times before I wrote it down and then confirmed one more time. She told me she was going to mail a letter with the details so I could read them there. Bless her!

When I hung up the phone I started jumping and dancing all over and singing, "We have a court date, we have a court date!" Again, Little M is the only other person home. Good thing he thinks I'm hilarious! He started to giggle again, only now with my dancing, he decided kicking his legs and flapping his arms was a good thing to do too. So we did a happy dance together and then called Mr. Temmie first and then all our other family.

We are so excited for February 17th!!!!! (just a side note- that is exactly 6 months from the day we were granted custody of this little guy.)

I freaking love this kid.

Neurology re-cap

Last Thursday Little M and I went to his big neurology appointment after getting the DMD (Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy) diagnosis. Mr. Temmie had to work so he couldn't go with us, but Aunt Liz was able to meet us (she works at the hospital next door) and be an extra set of hands and ears. I was soooooo grateful she could come!



I was dreading this appointment. Until now, Mr. Temmie and I were blissfully living in denial. Little M shows no physical signs of DMD so in our minds he didn't really have it. Every once in a while we would take a trip to reality, but it usually ended with both of us in tears, hugging our little boy and wishing like hell that this wasn't true. So this appointment was basically a trip to reality. I bawled the whole way there. I don't like reality.



We arrived at our appointment and got checked in. I had barely finished his paperwork and we were called back. They took vitals and weighed and measured Little M. He's clocking in at 11 lbs 11.5 ozs. Chunkster!!! I forgot to ask how tall he is. Oh well! I can measure him at home.



Anyway, they did the vitals and took us to the exam room. We were a little surprised when the doctor came in less than 5 minutes later. Aunt Liz and I both told him how prompt he was.



Doc sat down and basically said that he knows I'm wishing there was some mistake, but the reality is Little M 100%, for sure, no doubt has DMD. So this appointment was to answer my questions, get a base line and discuss the next steps. He also apologized for the lack of communication during our last hospital stay. Overall I was really pleased with this guy. Little M was too because he sat on my lap smiling at the doc the whole time. And of course his smile is so captivating that it kept distracting the doc. Such a charmer I have on my hands!



So where we are. Right now Little M is asymptomatic. Meaning he has this disease but shows no symptoms yet. I asked if that meant I could still live in denial. The doc said yes, for a few more months, but that's it. I thanked him and told him it was prettier in Denial and the food tasted better. I don't think he got my sense of humor. Anyway for now we will continue to raise our baby and focus on happier things like finalizing the adoption and his first birthday party. But we have to be aware of what is coming. Like delayed walking and delayed speech. We already anticipated these due to being a preemie. But we will work closer with the early intervention therapist to help those things along.



I did ask point blank if Little M will walk. Doc said he didn't have any reason to believe he wouldn't. He also said his goal is to keep Little M walking for as long as possible. Eventually he will be in a wheelchair. He will develop heart and lung issues. But the longer we can keep him walking, the later the other issues will start to develop.



Doc also said that 15 years ago this would have been much more devastating news. The medical developments that have happened in the last 15 years are amazing and there is so much more on the horizon. Who knows what options we'll have when M gets older. He also told us about a national study that we could join. It's a research study that follows DMD boys over their lifetime. Obviously these boys aren't enrolled until they are diagnosed. We got a jump on that part so our participation is even more helpful to the study. Maybe not for us, but for someone else for sure! So we signed up. By doing so we are also able to get genetic testing done to pinpoint the exact gene mutation. This testing is very expensive and will not cost us a thing as part of the study. And having an exact location of the mutation will help the docs be more able to treat Little M's DMD.



So overall the doc was great and left me with a slight feeling of hope that not all is lost. We'll still have many challenges ahead of us. But we also know we have one hell of a fighter on our hands and we're going to do whatever we can to help him.




Sittin' on Cousin Kate's lap after church being adorable. He was practicing talking. That's his new trick. :)

Too funny

Little M is a chick magnet. There's no denying it. This kid has women crossing a crowded room just to get a good look at his squishy cheeks and stunning eyelashes.

Last Sunday, Mr. Temmie was sitting at a table in our parish hall while I was helping the ladies group with craft night sign ups. At one point I looked over to see no less than 9 women crowded around Little M oohing and ahhing over him. Total chick magnet.

As soon as I was done with sign ups I joined my boys. Some of the women that had been drawn in by Little M were sitting at the table across from us. One of the ladies kept telling me how precious and cute and adorable Little M is. Uh, hello? I spend hours staring at this kid. I'm well aware how handsome he is! But I thanked her and went about my business. Then the lady next to her said, "Well he is a spitting image of his daddy! There's no question there as to who his daddy is!"

It took everything in me not to bust a gut laughing. :)

Waiting

This week is full of good things and bad things.

Our final homestudy report will be turned in today. This report is basically the social worker's evaluation of Mr. Temmie and me and his opinion to the court that we are fit parents with the child's best interest at heart. Once this report is submitted to our attorney, they can schedule a court date to finalize the adoption. I can't wait!!!!

This week is also when we meet the Muscular Dystrophy specialist. I have been happily in denial since we found out Little M's diagnosis. If I don't think about it, he doesn't have it. Simple as that. But on Thursday I am going to have to come face to face with it. I know I should go in with a list of questions, but where do I start? I just want to hear that my baby will be o.k. and the reality is he isn't. Not a fun place to be, that's for sure. And to make the whole situation horrible, Mr. Temmie has to work so I have to go to the appointment alone. I hope I can hold it together!!

So here's to excited anticipation of good news while we wait for the other shoe to drop.... =/

The journey: Part 3

The weekend with my baby was the best ever. I was on cloud nine! Once I landed and got my rental car I drove straight to the hospital. I got the the NICU in the early afternoon and proceeded to jump right in. I helped change his diaper, I cuddled and read books to him and even got to feed him. And that's pretty much how the whole weekend went. Unless it was time for the nurses shift change (and no parents are allowed during shift change) then I was in the NICU holding my boy. I already knew how much I loved him, but this is where we bonded. I spent hours talking to him and telling him all about his new family and where he would live. I told him he had puppies to play with and so many cousins to grow up with. The best part was whenever I was holding him and talking to him, his breathing and oxygen saturations would stabilize. And he would have very few or zero apnea spells. He was content with me and I was smitten with him.



And then I had to leave. I spent my last day in the NICU holding my baby and sobbing. I couldn't pull it together for anything! The sweet NP and social worker tried to comfort me by saying he would be home soon, but that didn't help the fact that I had to leave him again. My heart was broken. I did not want to leave at all. So much in fact that I stayed until the last possible second and nearly missed my flight home. But I did pry myself away. I came home and continued to call twice a day. I considered adding a third call, but I didn't want to be a pest. So I controlled myself.



It was after my July visit that I started getting pictures emailed to me almost daily. God bless that nurse! She saved my sanity. Especially since it ended up being almost one month exactly until we would get the "get your arses here" call.



The Call:

I was at work on August 25th. My phone rang and it was the NICU number. I immediately answered, worried that something was wrong. They never called me, I called them! It was the social worker and she had me on speaker phone with the NP. They gave me an update on Little M's status and all seemed to be going well. Then they asked the greatest question ever, "Can you get here this weekend to take him home?" They didn't even finish asking before I told them we could be there on Sunday the 29th. That would give Mr. Temmie and me time to make work schedule arraignments and I had offered to make a wedding cake for a friend's daughter. She was getting married that Saturday so I finished the cake and then we bolted out of town that afternoon.

We drove as far as Reno and then stopped for the night. I had hoped to have one last "date night" with Mr. Temmie before we became parents, but after the long drive, we just got some dinner and then fell asleep watching t.v. Oh well! We had a good 8 years of date nights under our belts. It was time to move on.

The next morning while I was showering and getting ready, the power went out. At first I thought Mr. Temmie was messing with the bathroom lights. But when I got out of the shower and noticed the t.v. was off I put it all together. So we did our best to get ready in the dark. Mr. Temmie had to take a cold shower since the hot water heater was apparently electric. Once we were ready we decided to check out early and hit the road. It was stormy in Reno and we still had to drive through the canyons. So we grabbed all our stuff and headed for the elevator. It was then we realized that the power was out and we were on the 16th floor. Was the elevator even working and if so, was it safe to use? We were told there was one car operating. We waited a good 15 minutes for it to stop on our floor. When it finally did it was completely full. So we grabbed our bags and hit the stairs. I guess the good thing was we were going down not up 16 floors, but hauling bags while doing it was no fun! We finally got to the lobby only to see that the slot machines still had power. Glad the hotel/casino had their priorities straight! Anyway we got in line to check out and just as it was our turn, the lights came back on. And that was the end of THAT adventure! And after a quick stop for breakfast and fuel we were on our way!

We arrived in California mid-afternoon. We stopped at my mother-in-laws house to drop off our bags and then we headed to the NICU. At this point I was so excited I was shaking! This was the first time Mr. Temmie and I were allowed in together. At this point birth mom had relinquished her rights and Mr. Temmie and I had legal custody of Little M.

We got to the NICU, scrubbed our hands and then held our boy. We talked to the nurses about the discharge plan. They went over some basic parenting stuff and we brought in the car seat so the staff could do his car seat challenge. Basically he had to sit in the seat for an hour while hooked up to monitors and make sure his oxygen level and heart rate were stable. We decided to run back to mother-in-law's house to get an overnight bag while they did the car seat check. When we got back, shift change had taken place and a room had been set up for us to spend the night. We got settled in our "room", it was more like a closet really! And then we had the nurse bring in our baby. We didn't sleep much. It was too surreal. Little M was off all monitors and completely in our care. We spent the night trying to sleep on HORRIBLE hide-a-beds and feeding and changing our baby. It was the best night ever! At 11:00 the next morning all the paperwork was done, we were packed up and they sent us on our way. A few hugs on the way out the door and that was it. We were free!!!!! We loaded Little M into the car and we didn't look back. :)

The journey: Part 2

June 10- headed to California for Mr. Temmie's nephew's graduation. This trip had been planned since long before Little M was born. But now we could talk to people face to face and figure out what was going on. We arrived in town on Friday and spent the rest of the day trying to figure out the graduation plans. I of course wanted to do nothing more than go to the hospital and meet my baby, but I didn't want to seem like a vulture either so I kept really quiet. I still had my guard up in case this all fell through, but Mr. Temmie's family kept asking if I was excited to be a mom. So, slowly I let my guard down and started getting excited.

On Saturday June 12 Mr. Temmie's nephew graduated from high school. We threw together and impromptu BBQ at my mother-in-law's house. It was a nice small gathering of various family. And them Mr. Temmie's cousin arrived, with her daughter (our birth mother). I had never met her before and she was pretty quiet. Again I didn't want to be a vulture and be like, "hey how's it goin', give me your baby!" So I just stuck close to Mr. Temmie and stayed quiet. Then someone asked if we wanted to take birth mom and go to the hospital to see the baby. I don't know how I didn't scream "YES!!!!!!", but I managed a perfect, calm, non-chalant "that would be nice." So we took Mr. Temmie's cousin and birth mom to the hospital. It was about 8:30 at night when we got there.

Birth mom and her mom went back first. Only birth mom and one other person were allowed at the bedside so Mr. Temmie and I waited in the waiting room. I was so nervous. I couldn't stop fidgeting. Then her mom came out and I got to go back. I signed in at the desk and the clerk pointed the way. When I walked in birth mom was getting some info from the nurse. Then the nurse asked who I was. I told her I was birth mom's cousin's wife. Birth mom told her I was going to adopt the baby. At that point the nurse's eyes lit up. She filled me in on his day and how he was doing. She also asked if we wanted to hold him. She said birth mom would go first for 20 minutes and then if he was doing o.k. I could hold him for 20 minutes. I have to say it was awkward to be there with birth mom. I didn't know her and I didn't want her to think I was being pushy, but I wanted to hold that baby and never let go.

When the nurse was ready, we did something called a kangaroo hold. It was skin to skin contact. Basically we pulled open our shirts and the nurse placed Little M on our chests. Then we closed up our shirts and were covered with a warm blanket. He was still to little to wear anything except a diaper so his skin was again our skin. As planned, birth mom went first. She really just sat there staring off into space. She didn't say anything. I made small talk with the nurse to pass the time. Soon it was my turn. I was worried because we had gone to the flea market that day and I (like and idiot!) forgot to wear sunscreen. My chest/neck were as red as a lobster. I asked if it was going to hurt Little M. The nurse laughed and said, "Actually he's going to LOVE it, you however are going to be in pain." During my turn, birth mom left to use the restroom. She was gone quite a while. While she was gone, the nurse told me how happy she was for us and that Little M was going to be adopted. She said birth mom rarely visited and she hadn't bonded with the baby at all. Oh and she was right, he was in HEAVEN on my chest. His heart rate and O2 saturation levels stabilized and he fell fast asleep. If I was in pain I didn't feel it because I was too elated from holding my baby for the first time. The nurse even "got really busy" when it was time for him to go back in the incubator and I got a bonus 25 minutes. I love that nurse!

When I was done, I said my silent goodbye's and hoped I would get another chance to visit before we had to head home. And then I let Mr. Temmie have a turn to see him. His visit lasted about 5 minutes. He doesn't do hospitals, tubes, doctors, illness very well. And to see a baby so tiny really freaked him out. After he was done, we drove birth mom home and made plans to visit the hospital again on Monday. I couldn't wait! Mr. Temmie asked if I was happy and I told him I was in heaven. I told him I was in love with another boy. He just smiled and held my hand. I was on top of the world.


That Monday, we picked up birth mom and headed back for another visit. Since it was a weekday we were able to meet the social worker. I asked if there was a way for me to call and check on the baby so birth mom didn't have to be a middle-man. She was very vague and told me that some other issues had to be worked out first and hopefully soon she could give me more info. I would later learn that the suspected birth father's mother was trying to get custody and stop the adoption. Only that all got squashed when the DNA test came back that he wasn't the birth father. Soon after that happened we were given a number to call the nurses for report.

I spent the next month calling the NICU twice a day to check on my little guy. Most of the nurses were very sweet and would give me real updates, not just a weight check and how his feeding was going. I also decided that I needed to see him again. So I planned a trip to visit over the July 24th (Utah) holiday weekend. Mr. Temmie couldn't come so I would have to come alone. That was going to be scary, but I had to see my son again.

The journey: Part 1

I've been meaning to do this for a while. Over the last few years I have read several accounts of different women's "birth stories", basically it's a chance for them to write out every last detail of the day their child was born so they don't forget. I obviously don't have a "birth story" but I do have an adoption journey. And it's something I want to remember so I can tell it to Little M a million times over, just so he can know how special he is to my heart. Of course the version here will have to be adjusted for a little one, and edited for content. ;)

The Journey to Little M

Our journey to have a family started soon after we got married. After a several months with no success, I sought out medical help. I had to start that process on my own since Mr. Temmie despises all doctors (ironic, I know!). So I got the ball rolling to start infertility testing. When it came time to test Mr. Temmie, it was a war. But eventually I prevailed and then we had some answers....we were both the issue. We tried some procedures and meds to help, but everything was so expensive and we just couldn't afford to spend money on a chance. We looked into adoption but the cost to use an agency is staggering. I tried like crazy to raise money, even my sisters tried to help. But it was a mountain we just weren't going to conquer.

I never wanted to give up my dream of having a baby, but the obstacles were too much and I was defeated. I resorted to begging God every month that we get a surprise pregnancy. Yea. That didn't work. I started to get depressed. Mr. Temmie always said he was fine with or without kids so he didn't understand when I told him there was a giant hole in my heart. I eventually decided to focus on something else and turned all my attention to enrolling in school to finally finish my degree.

Then the phone rang. It was May 19, 2010 at about 5:00 p.m. Mr. Temmie and I were in the car with my sister Patti and her daughter Ellie. We were going to dinner and then to our niece Maddie's dance concert. Mr. Temmie's phone rang. It was his mom. She told him that his cousin's daughter had a baby and she didn't want it. She then asked if we would want to adopt her. Mr. Temmie said yes and hung up the phone. I asked him what his mom wanted and this is how our conversation went:

Him: "Birth mom had a baby this morning and she doesn't want it. Mom wants to know if we want to adopt her." (yes I keep saying "her" at first we were told Little M was a girl)
Me: "That's not funny."
Him: "I'm not joking."
Me: "That's not funny, don't f*ck with me!!!!."
Him: "I'm not f*cking with you! I'm serious!"

At that point I turned around and swore Patti to secrecy! And then I couldn't hold it in anymore. I was bursting with excitement, questions, anxiety....and I had to keep it all hidden once we got to the dance concert. I didn't know enough to share with anyone else. I didn't want to tell them and then have it not be true and have to un-tell them. Fortunately there were so many people that we couldn't sit with the rest of my family. I was able to talk to Patti about all the thoughts racing through my head. And then I got a text. It was from Mr. Temmie (his mom called again so he was out in the hall). It was a picture of our baby. I immediately started bawling. Here was this tiny little baby with tubes and wires coming out of every arm and leg. It was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. At that moment the giant hole in my heart suddenly felt full.




After the show we were talking to family and a friend of my brother's started asking very personal questions. She kept asking why I didn't have kids and if I couldn't and then telling me I should "just adopt" like it was the easiest thing to do. Any other day and I would have let my red-headed temper loose on this woman. But this night couldn't be ruined. There was a baby born and I had been asked to be the mommy. I managed to some how change the subject and then leave.

Over the next few days there was a lot of questions to be answered. And there was some uncertainty of this really happening. They had to figure out who the birth father was, if possible. We had to figure out how to pay for an adoption. We had to figure out how much that would even cost and how to do it since we're in two different states. Basically I spent the next day on the phone with 3 different lawyers collecting as much info as I could. It was this day I would learn that the baby was in fact a BOY and that he was very premature and sick. I started praying. Hard.

About two weeks later, we had been expecting a call from the hospital social worker to give us an update and some more info. The call never came. Finally that evening, Mr. Temmie's cousin (birth grandma) called. She said the baby had an infection but was getting better and they had some stuff to deal with with the state Child Protective Services. Turns out the little guy had been exposed to drugs in utero so CPS had to be involved. I was drained. I just wanted to know yes or no, was he going to be my son. Was he the baby I had begged God to send me. At this point Patti was the only one who knew and I needed more support. I broke down and told my sister Liz. She had a million questions as soon as I told her. And I couldn't answer any of them. But at least I had someone else to lean on if I needed her. And for the record, keeping that secret for two weeks was BRUTAL!!!!!

Then rest of May was a blur. We got very little updates and no one would tell us anything. There was some issue going on with the father, but we didn't know what. All we knew was we would be visiting California in a few weeks for a graduation and hopefully we would get some more answers then. Our trip couldn't come fast enough.